Usage of "the wife" when talking about a spouse

It can be used sarcastically. It’s ALWAYS used informally. Tbh it’s just a casual way of speaking, not necessarily meant to be mean. I hear it more from older folks though, so it might also be a generational thing. “The wife and I were thinking of heading up North this summer vacation.” is a perfectly normal thing to say and wouldn’t be considered rude to the wife in question. Will note, I don’t think I’ve heard the inverse “the husband.” However, I wouldn’t bat an eye if someone did say that. You’ll also hear “the kids” a lot, like “the kids and I went to the park.”

Not always, it *can* be, but sometimes it's just a normal thing. "Me and the wife were talking about booking a holiday somewhere, any suggestions?" is a normal question you would ask your friend here in the UK, for example, or something like "I forgot my wallet, but don't worry, the wife will be round with it later in time for do" is the sort of thing you might say to your colleagues. My wife might say "my man" or "my hubby" in the same way Might be different in the US though.

I think of it as pretty rude and that he’s trying to downplay or joke about his wife to make you like him more. I don’t really like guys that talk like that. I’m a feminist though, most people wouldn’t care and the person saying it is probably just using the words they hear around them but it seems pejorative to me.

I think it's mostly used in a sarcastic manner

UK English: just like saying "my other half" or "the missus". Neutral.

I'm one of those people who uses this a lot. I say it irl too and never in a perjorative way. It's just how I refer to my wife sometimes. I use "my" as well but that's a little possessive and feels awkward in normal conversation.  We are married so partner is too wide a description. Spouse feels too formal. 

To be fair, in French you’d just be saying “the woman”. I feel like that sounds a little worse

In Australia it’s quite common. I can see how some are saying it can be seen as degrading now that I think about it more. But to me personally, like most things, intent matters..

It can be used quite friendlily. In a greeting, for example, “Alright Ben, how’s the wife?”, when inquiring about a friend’s wife?

That's interesting, because one of the distinct features of English is excessive use of possessive pronouns. For instance, "I lost my wallet" - for learners coming from Slavic languages, "my" would be superfluous here. Does French typically use the same equivalent of "my wife"?

"The wife" is like a job position. It suggests authority. "I cannot watch the football game. The wife has invited the in-laws over."

It is referring to someone else's wife. For example, if a family were already mentioned, it would refer to the wife **of the family**.

Totally normal where I'm from, not perjorative and I've heard it used all my life and use it now myself.

It is pejorative; more crass than insulting. But most times you hear it people are relying on the context to show that they're using it tongue-in-cheek. To some people, however, it sounds harsh or rude even when they know it's meant jovially. I'd stay away from using it.

It gives the impression that you don't like your wife. It sometimes gets used sarcastically/ironically, but tread carefully.

yeah, it's crass. if meant to be a joke then it's a crass joke.